I take pictures of wildlife, but I am no photographer.

As a photographer, I have had zero training and I barely know how to work my camera.  That doesn’t stop me from taking pictures of wildlife and then punishing yinz with the piss-poor quality of the photos.

That is a hyena…Yes, this picture is complete garbage, thank you very much!

However, I am trying to step my game up and evolve into the proximity of maybe one day becoming a semi-decent photographer.  That evolution took a massive step forward with the acquisition of this bad mutha f’er:

Let this massive lens represent a phallic surrogacy.

Behold, the Canon EF 100-400mm f/4.5-5.6L IS II USM Lens!

That Canon + lens combo is heavy!  I wonder what that will feel like while adventuring through the Everglades or the Andes.

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Getting close to wildlife to get a quality picture is pretty much a crap shoot.  Sometimes the wildlife will let you get into range, but usually not.  A lot of animals are exceptionally skittish when they see you creeping on them.  Women are like that too.

Some wildlife you don’t want to get to close to because they will murder 100% of your face.  This lens gives me some range to get a higher quality photo without risking my life.

This was as close to this bitch as I could get without entering the gator filled water.  When it started to climb the barrier I was close to the water that I had a bunch of twigs in the way of the photo.  This surrogate penis lens would have given me the range to get clear of the twigs while getting a mad tight shot.  That f’n gator just don’t care about these human barriers!

After I get out and test drive the Canon EF 100-400mm f/4.5-5.6L IS II USM Lens a bit I’ll write a follow up blog. For now, I still won’t be taking any formal training into becoming a better photographer.  So, expect photos that are still crappy, but just less crappy.  Word to your mom!  

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