Home Nature Education Science Freak Bitches: Lion Panty Sniffers

Freak Bitches: Lion Panty Sniffers

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Freak Bitches:  Lion Panty Sniffers
Test

Look, I don’t know how else to say this, but animals are a bunch of freak-bitches.

Just to prove that I’m not some phony-jabroni out here talking all of that smack on animals I’ll lay out the evidence using lions as the example so that you, well sculpted and healthy looking reader, can judge for your own damn self.

Exhibit A:  Trousers

Go find any animal.  Is it wearing pants?  No?  Then it is a freak-bitch.  That one was too easy.

lion-nairobi-national-park
Dude had the courtesy to wear a tracking collar, but not pants.  His nuts are so majestic they are literally swinging in the breeze
lion-testicles
See?  What do you think he does with those big swinging nuts?  He does freak-bitch shit…just like you would!

Exhibit B:  Panty Sniffing 

Now to step this freak-bitch trial up a notch.

Let us say that Blackie (the Masai’s name for him, not mine) and Bae are napping the day away in the hot African sun after some hot African sex.

male and female lion napping
Blackie is actually asleep there sitting up.  I wish I had that ability.  I have to hang from a bar by my feet to get a decent day of sleep

After a good snooze, Bae wakes up hungry for some bison jerky and splits on Blackie.  Blackie recognizes that this is an opportunity for some freak-bitch shit.

Blackie immediately goes to where Bae was laying and takes a big long weird whiff of the grass. The whiff didn’t happen because Blackie enjoys the fragrance that Bae is wearing.  The whiff happened because Blackie likes the “fragrance” that Bae exudes au natural.

This is animal panty sniffing pure and simple.  Unless you are Japanese, the people that invented that move, you know that this is ground-zero for freak-bitch activity.  I mean, it wasn’t like a couple’s kink thing.  He waited for her to bounce before he panty sniffed.  F’n weirdo!

Exhibit C:  Extreme Satisfied Facial Expression

Blackie kicked the perversion game up a notch by making this uber creepy facial expression after he whiffed Bae’s lingering scent.

lion flehmen response
Pure
lion flehmen response
Creepy
lion flehmen response
Ecstasy

That facial expression…that is the look of pure degenerate shit-bag panty sniffing ecstasy.  Even courts in Japan would convict this son of a bitch of being a freak-bitch on that evidence.

Exhibit D:  The Vomeronasal Organ And Flehmen

Here is the weird thing about that panty sniffing facial expression that Blackie creepily manifested – it is not unique to this panty sniffer nor is it unique perverted lions.  Mammals, like lions, that have the vomeronasal organ use said organ to detect pheromones.  When the vomeronasal organ gets tickled by pheromones that creepy facial expression manifests.

Animals basically evolved an organ for panty-sniffing!  When that organs gets stimulated a super creepy facial expression involuntarily happens.  Pure Darwinian FREAK BITCHERY!!!

Science, having a name for everything, titles that creepy AF facial expression as the Flehmen response.

Who in the flying four-pronged fuck was Flehmen and what the hell kind of weird perverted shit was he/she into??  Was he/she sniffing panties?  Was he/she into animals that sniff panties?  Was he/she into watching animals as they sniff panties?  The world may never know!

person watches sleeping lions
Flehmen, is that you?

The Jury’s Decision

Given the overwhelming perverted degenerate evidence that I have listed I think we call all agree that any twelve jurors, even the Japanese ones, would rule in favor of animal freak-bitchery.  Case closed!

Forever yours,

The Honorable Judge Flehmen

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