Odelay, Holmes. You and I both know that you are digging cougars in a profound way.
No!
No!
No!
Not those cougars, you filthy little monkey (no judgement if that is your thing).
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When I say cougars I am talking about the sleek, sexy, glamorous killers that stalk the Americas (North and South) looking for a delicious and nutritious meat-meal to murder, cache, and devour. Sure, sure, that could still be the human female cougar, but in this instance I’m talking about the feline kind.
Cougars in the US were wiped out east of the Rockies* back in the day when asshole people killed absolutely everything – they killed the environment, they killed the tasty meat-snack cougar prey, and they killed the mutha f’n cougars themselves.
*The Florida panther represents the last relic population of cougars that formerly ranged east of the Rockies. Florida, just when I thought that you were completely shitty you go and do something awesome like harboring Florida panthers.
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In the 90s, cougars got together at the Council Of Cougars (this is where cougars go to make important decisions). The Council Of Cougars collectively decided, “F this, living in these crowded mountains is teh suck. We are going to send out some of our most eligible bachelors to reclaim our lost lands!”
Slowly, but surely, the bachelor cougars slipped away from their mountain strongholds and began to make celebrity-like appearances in the Midwest…states that cougars were extinct in for other 100 years.
The Council Of Cougars recognized that by sending out all of these bachelors they were making what amounted to a cougar sausage-party. Luckily, cougars (humans and felines) can balance out a sausage party simply by showing up.
The Council Of Cougars asked for volunteers to break up the sausage-party. Several extra luscious lady cougars volunteered, they slipped away from their mountain strongholds, made celebrity-like appearances in the Midwest, and immediately injected a female thrill into those cougar sausage-parties.
The bachelors and the lady cougars promptly GOT IT ON! All of that sex led to several new breeding populations of cougars in their former range with two populations in the Dakotas and one in western Nebraska. That sex is something else, eh?
Yup, with zero reintroduction efforts from humans cougars began to recolonize their old turf on their own. Now that is a species with survival moxy! Suck it, pandas!
And do you know how I learned about this cougar reintroduction success story? Because the Cougar Network dropped knowledge about it!
The Cougar Network has been all over this recolonization story since day 1. Their team of cougar authorities review reported cougar sightings outside of the cougar’s current range and validate the sighting for legitimacy. If the sighting passes the validity sniff-test the Cougars Network adds the sighting to their cougar confirmation map.
Those circles represent confirmed cougar sightings that are outside of the cougar’s established range (the solid green). As the map shows, the Midwest is wide open to cougars dispersing from the Rockies, but they ain’t stopping there!
Yes, those are confirmations east of the Mississippi AND in New England! That New England cat trotted all of the from the Midwest to New England to get some clam chowder and to boo those dickhead Patriots.
Seriously, F the Patriots!
I digress.
Those far, there have been 952 confirmations since the Cougar Network started to keep track. Check out these sexy cougar recolonization statistics:
What is the importance of 952 cougar confirmations outside of their established range?
It represents hope.
It shows that if humans…
A. Leave nature the F alone…
B. Help out just a little, like the good people at the Cougar Network are doing…
…that wildlife, even apex predators like cougars, can come back from the brink. I, for one, think that concept is cooler than a dwarf’s beard!
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some research to do on Dirty Cougar Moms.
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Author’s Note: Previously, I had written a blog declaring that Id Eco Super-Eco, LLC will help out with conservation efforts. The Cougar Network is definitely on my list of conservation non-profits to donate too when the funds are there. If you are interested in donating directly to the Cougar Network you can do so here: Cougar Network Donations
