If any of you sexy devils are ever fancy-prancing around San Diego in your white-linen suit and you get a hankering for a deep wildlife experience then I have a beastly hook-up for you, I do.

This is actual footage of me fancy-prancing in a white linen suit. Damn it, I look good. Really good!

Plunk down the $100 to get your Kia Rio out of the impound and head about 20 minutes north to La Jolla (Jolla is Spanish and pronounced with an “h”, not be that dude mispronouncing it).

You know that your Kia Rio got impounded because you were drifting Fast And The Furious style again. Is Tokyo Drift even in continuity for the FF series? That I don’t know, but I do know is that this gif is straight fire.

La Jolla

La Jolla is about 20 minutes north of San Diego. It’s an easy driveway up the highway. The town itself is basically one long street. But, yo, this street is fancy AF. Like, even the Starbucks it out of your price range. And by you I mean me.

And once you get to La Jolla head down to the beach. The spot that you are looking for is called “The Cove”. Basically, all beach front in La Jolla leads to The Cove so it’s kind of hard to miss. If you are really struggling to find The Cove just ask anyone. Literally anyone.

And what kind of deep wildlife experience does this fancy AF little town have to offer? Sea Lions. All of the sea lions!

The Cove

The Cove is a small beach, lots of slippery deadly-ass rocks, and some tidal pools. The cool thing about The Cove is that it is a multi-species hangout spot: humans and sea lions kicking it in each other’s company. Unless people REALLY encroach on the sea lions they could give two f***cks. That makes for great sea lion photo ops.

Just a picture of a fatty taking pictures of other fatties. I’m pretty sure that is the true circle of life. Or a paradox. I have no idea what I’m talking about right now.

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Look at these pics!

Broooooo, that puffer fish was soooooooo good. I’m sooooooo buzzing right now. Broooooooooo.

Ohhhhhh, even a nursing pup.

I took a couple of drags on that sea lion tit when that baby was cat-calling a human female. How does sea lion milk stack up to other milks? It’s not as good fresh water dolphin milk, but it sure AF is better than sewer rat milk.

Sea lions are the main draw at La Jolla, but there is also plenty of sea birds and tidal pool crawlies like crabs and your mother. If you are a bad, bad mother f’n you can throw on a wetsuit and either snorkel or scuba in The Cove. Let me tell you, those kelp forests are not be missed – what an otherworldly experience it is seeing the kelp sway in the tide. More on that in a future blog.

And once you have had your filled of the sexy sea lions at La Jolla you can take your Kia Rio right back to San Diego to immediately hit the geriatric singles club like you’ve always wanted to. I mean, that is why you wore your white linen suit in the first place, isn’t it? Yeah, it is, you wily old pimp. Get some!

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