I’m two weeks out from a shark research trip in the Bahamas with Saving The Blue. Problem: I don’t have a passport.

Passports are good for 10 years for adults and 5 for minors. This is my soon to be expired passport that I surrendered to the government as its expiration was very f’n nigh. I miss it badly

At the start of the year, I sent my very well traveled passport into the US State Department to be renewed. I’m proactive AF like that. Here I am 7 weeks out and I still don’t have my new passport.

Now, part of this problem might, and I mean MIGHT, have something to do with me sending in incomplete paperwork to the State Department.

I’m not sure how an artificial being processes an “oh shit” moment, but there Data is. And, man, Data is a shitty name for an artificial being. Was Computer Boy taken? Don’t @ me on this, you trekky bastards!

I know what you are thinking, “Nah, bro, don’t accept responsibility for your own actions; blame the government,” and I agree with you: THE GOVERNMENT IS THE REASON WHY I DON’T HAVE A PASSPORT!

Always listen to Walter. He is a beacon of honesty and morality

So, what are my options while I linger in this passport purgatory?

  1. Trust that in 10 business days the government will have completed my application, generated a new passport, and shipped it to me in time. Even if I completed the paperwork correctly I don’t like relying on the government to do anything in a timely fashion.
  2. I can schedule an appointment to go to a passport center. Didn’t know that there are actual physical passport centers that you can go to in person to get a passport, did you? Here is the rub – you can only go to a passport center if you are within two weeks from your international travel. I am now in that window. Problem: the nearest passport center is 4.5 hours, which is crap, but whatevs, I drive really f’n fast so I can cover that distance is about 35 minutes.
  3. I can roll the dice and try to go to another country with no passport. I’ve been to the Bahamas before and they are pretty tight around requiring a passport. So is the US. I don’t like my odds with this one, but, eh, I’m not ruling it out.

TBD on how this will play out. Just know that I probably won’t sleep until I get that sweet, sweet passport. I wasn’t really sleeping anyways on the account of being an artificial entity named Computer Boy. Now you know!

That is me, Computer Boy, trying to get my passport

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