Never traveled internationally before, but deeply want to? I get it, international travel can be intimidating for folks that have never been out of the country before.  I am here to help! This blog is a list of tips that I have accrued over several decades...

Long have I coveted to be on a great white shark research vessel! I'm mean, the cage-diving, the science, the sharks!  What is not to covet about that? "Horrible limb loss, death by shark bite, drowning, drowning in a pool of your own filth, crush injuries...

Have you ever been stared down by a chimpanzee with an erection? I have.  It's weird. Here is a video of Boner McGee walking erect begging for bananas and possibly a handy. That is right, a chimp is walking erect.  Wait, isn't walking erect supposed to...

One of the life-goals on my bucket-list was to visit the Amazon to, ya know, get REALLY weird, and possibly nude, with the animals. The Amazon:  pristine jungle, exotic and sexy beasts to snuggle, indigenous people to oppress, and hardcore adventure...what about that doesn't appeal...

Hot! Lizard! Lesbian! Action! "But-but-but, that isn't a thing.  Lizards don't indulge in sweet, sweet lesbian love," you said in between long drags of some crazy-cold Mad Dog 20/20.  Oh, classy reader with great taste in wine (I recommend grape Mad Dog 20/20), it is a thing and...

A botanical garden that also serves as habitat for wildlife?  That is exactly what the Desert Botanical Garden is and I am so very down with that! Located right outside of the city of Phoenix, Arizona in the Sonora desert, the Desert Botanical Garden is...

My sister, we’ll call her Ass-Flap, was recently doing a stretch in the Peace Corps serving in the Dominican Republic.  Ass-Flap's job was basically to help the natives masturbate better or some shit (less use of a machete during the act and more use of...

Sometimes I bite people. As a kid, people would feed me all of the time without me even asking for food.  Those were glorious times - free food and I didn't have to bite anyone to get it (I still bit the shit out of...

Baby elephants, it is hard not to love them! I mean, the human toddler-like playfulness, the short legs, and that little trunk! Akin to the most hairless of hairless apes (mmmm, hairless apes), baby elephants are completely dependent on Ma elephant.  Ma makes sure that Junior is...

Part 1 of this orphaned baby elephant blog can be found here. After three flights covering three continents I was finally at The David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust. Time to see some wee elephants and to meet my elephant-son, Rapa. Upon entering the orphanage, we were told...